Not even bullet points would help you with this one

Halloween costumes this year were so easy I kept waiting for one of them to rip or something. Mine would be the most likely to rip for obvious reasons. Well maybe not so obvious since I strategically placed a kid or two in front of me in this picture. Cheerleading uniforms don't give a whole lot and they sure don't hide anything related to three pregnancies. The whole night I was mortified that we used to walk around in these without the layers I added underneath. Yikes.

We have had fun going to parties where candy and bounce houses abound. I'm still in shock that my kids didn't have cavities last week at the dentist so I'm letting them have at it candy-wise. Y'all have I told you about the dentist visit? Grab a chair.

I made appointments for all of them at the same time. Misery loves company right? Ty and Charlie have been to the dentist before but this was Joy's maiden voyage. I took Mom with me and at some point she brought Dad in to help. I think he came somewhere between Ty grabbing onto the light fixture and Ty grabbing onto other various permanent objects he could find. He cried. He begged. He freaked. I had flashbacks of Sean holding him down the last time. Mom had a silent heated exchange with Sean at one point because it was yet another thing he should be here for. Those things, they don't stop. We plow through, we are having a fun, full life, sure, but things creep up. Things that are hard like the dentist and shots at the doctor. Donuts with daddy days, and when they see their friends learn to do things with their daddy's help. Every day is another chance to teach them about counting blessings and thanking God for what we DO have: grandparents, four of them, who would do anything for them and to help me. Godly, loving men in our families and even family friends who can put their bikes together or help me with car issues. A God who they're learning about that cares for them and hears their prayers.

An obvious answer to one of my prayers that I learned at my teacher conference last week--there is a little boy in Ty's class who lost his daddy in an accident. His teacher told me about the day that the boys realized that they both had daddies in Heaven. The light bulbs went off and they talked to her about it. She told them that her dad is in Heaven too and that they all know each other up there.

Does that show you how The Lord works? Y'all, He knows. He knows that I was heartbroken imagining my kids as the only ones without a daddy to brag about. They're not. Not only that, Ty's teacher is just the funniest, sweetest thing. The "little things" of our lives are not always overlooked.

I love the song, "When I Survey the Wondrous Cross." Sunday morning our pastor talked about the man who wrote it and the rest of the sermon I thought through the words.

"See, from His head, His hands, His feet. Sorrow and love flow mingled down. Did ever such love and sorrow meet? Or thorns compose so rich a crown?"

It changed everything. It still does.

Seasons are changing...(praise Jesus,) and life is going and moving on. The year mark is around the corner and we've celebrated almost every holiday in the year already. Thanksgiving will be the last one and so far I have no plans to skip the country. Now I may be in talks soon after this year you never know. I still entertain the thought of moving and starting over. I've always wanted to live in Colorado. Ooh or Montana. Or I might stay put. Probably.

Anyway.

Y'all be careful tomorrow and remember to try your kids candy to make sure it's safe ;)

Go on

For them, because of them, focussing on them. It has worked to a great extent. Going on, moving on. Life makes it happen. Physically it's taking a toll that I can't ignore anymore. Whether or not what I'm experiencing is tied to emotions is yet to be determined. Fatigue is constant. It's hard to function at times so it's time to figure out what's going on. Heading to the doctor in the next few days to see. I appreciate your support and prayers!

Flashback Friday

I'm not sure where my girls get that drama. Yet another mystery...

Cold weather date

There's something about a big cold front that makes you giddy. We woke up to take Ty to school and planned our girls' day-o-fun. First stop, donut shop. From here, the sky's the limit.

Hello Fall

Notice we're still all in shorts...

Oh and it was windy. My hair is big but its not that big.

Happenings

Ty has been jamming with his drum teacher, Tony. He's got "crazy hair," so we thought Ty should get some too.

The cats are surviving constant attention, (torture.) The girls are so crazy about them and I'm loving how easy they are to take care of.

Ty has decided that PE is his favorite thing.

Charlie's favorite thing is still being in charge.

Joy's...her blankie. Well, and her momma. That girl will try to take both of us to kindergarten.

And maybe that'd be okay.

Rainbow

I bought this magnet last Summer. It sits on my fridge and I see it maybe 400 times a day, (as many times as I retrieve cups, snacks, treats.) Does anybody else want to ditch real plates and cups and use disposable stuff full-time? Wouldn't that be a game changer! I'm fine washing dishes. Really I am. Putting them back where they go is a bit of a challenge. Stuff never fits where it's supposed to. This is not even what I meant to talk about. Sorry.

Okay so rainbows. Thunderstorms. Magnets. Back on track.

I saw Amy yesterday and she looks like herself, sounds like herself, and cracks jokes like herself. God is healing her--slowly---slower than any of us would prefer. She's getting better though. I cannot imagine the frustration she feels going from a very fit strong athlete to a fatigued patient. I told her yesterday that if anyone can beat the odds and improve quicker, go home faster than they expect, it's her. I believe that The Lord is doing things through her situation to bring good and emotional healing to her and to the rest of Sean's family. Will you pray for something specific with me? She told me yesterday that what they give her to sleep is causing her to dream a lot. (I know a lot about crazy dreams...different post...sorry) She dreams that Sean is there with her in her room laughing and making fun of her, (totally what would be happening--I mean he was her older brother and as much as he loved her he'd have never missed the opportunity to poke fun at how she's feeling,) She teared up telling me that every day she lives through the process all over again realizing that he's gone and isn't coming back. It's like her grief is frozen because she can't stop dreaming. She has not told anybody about the dreams and I told her that from now on people would pray specifically for her dreams to be peaceful and that if he's in her dreams it would be healing, not a reminder of losing him. Bless her heart. If y'all wake up and pray will you pray for Amy? Thanks. I used to have the same dream as her but thankfully don't anymore. Now if I dream about him it's more of a conversation about the kids, what they've learned or done, and he always says, "I know! I saw it!" It's happy and light-hearted, kind of a catch-up with him and its peaceful. It's as if I am permitted inside Heaven for a little bit sometimes. What a gift resulting from prayers of people who support me and our family that I never wake up in torment anymore! God is so good. I want this so badly for Amy, his sister who misses him so terribly too.

Rainbows offer hope-and like I told an old friend this week who asked how I was doing, hope is great medicine. Yes, there will be more storms in my life. I'm not big on comparing things we go through, y'all know that. Your hurt and my hurt-its all just pain. Doesn't matter what brings it or what causes it. It's what you do with it that matters. How I use it to retreat, withdraw or blame. How I use it as an excuse to cut people off and go it alone. Or hopefully how I trust Him with it. Only then is there a chance at healing, moving through it, learning from it, and keeping your heart open.

A long time ago a client told me she was done exposing her heart to people. She had been hurt by the person closest to her and no one believed her. People accused her of making it up for attention. She came to me as a last resort at trusting someone. Every week she'd talk about how mad she was and how betrayed she felt. Then one day she sat in front of me and asked why I didn't endorse what she was doing. Why wasn't I giving her the go-ahead to write everybody off. I told her I knew she was just hurt and afraid. "I'm not afraid," she said. "Yeah you are." "No I'm mad! I'm not treated fairly! How can you not see that?" She was about to leave. Mad mad mad. I told her that retreating, cutting off, putting up walls, it's all just fear. Fear of being hurt, of never recovering from it. I reminded her that the truth always comes out if you pray for it to. In God's time, it always comes out. If you're falsely accused or getting away with lying, it always comes out. So she sat there, thinking and then crying. She didn't talk for a long time. Then, "I know that it happened. I will try to trust that God will keep me safe. Is that really all it takes?"

That's where it starts. Then, as childish as it sounds, you count the rainbows. The promises, the Truths. You cling to them during the storms. When hope is lost you find it again in Scripture. You realize and embrace that you were made for a reason. You are loved and provided for by a loving Father who will give you what you need, against all reason this world will give you. Safety. Rest. A place to belong.


Lord I am grateful for Your protection of my heart. Only You are able to give me the peace that I have and the hope for more rainbows in the future.

Flashback Friday on Sunday

And yesterday...

So we cheated by two months. Ty kept telling me he's 6 now so he couldn't wear the 5 shirt. I mean the kid doesn't miss anything. And bless your heart of you try to get him to lie about something. "It's okay Ty just pretend you're still 5..." "But I'm not mom not at all I'm 6." "Ty just act like you like that since somebody gave it to you..." "But I don't mom I don't want to tell a lie."

He makes me question myself sometimes.

It was a fun weekend around here. Two birthday parties where I had as much fun seeing my friends as the kids did seeing theirs. Lots of cleaning up the house (my mom saves me,) painting, and I got to go to a movie. Y'all, I'm 90 years old.

But I'm a happy might-as-well-be-90-year-old. Thankful that today is better than yesterday and there are bright things on the horizon. God is good.

Brave

If we are friends on Facebook you saw my post about Ty facing his biggest fear this week. I had a talk with him on Tuesday night about being brave. We went to the fair on Monday and he liked parts of it and then was afraid of other (predictable) parts. I told him that I knew he didn't like parts of it but that if he'd stayed home because of fear he would have missed the fun. He said he wasn't sure if he could be brave since his daddy was who used to tell him about being brave. Oh Lordy can I take that over please. I will not bash their dad to them because it's not helpful and it's sure not something that will be redeeming for anyone. They've got enough to face in the future without trying to sift through my anger at their daddy.

But.

It's time for ME to tell them about facing fears. Not that I'm an expert or anything but well I kind of am. My way of life now is based on the Truth that if I really trust God to stick with me I don't have to be afraid. Things will come up that scare me, sure, but living in fear...it's life-zapping. I work hard at resting in God's perfect and "with-it" plan for me. I do work at it. I'm not trained all the time yet. I guess once I'm there I'll start sky diving and leaving my doors unlocked. Until then, I'll work at it.

Okay so anyway. On Wednesday around 1 my phone rang and it was the school.

(dun dun dun.)

It was his teacher. She said Ty had some news. He got on the phone and this is what I heard:

"Mommy guess what you'll never believe it guess what I did today I stayed in PE the whole time the PE in the gym mom I did it and it was fun mom not scary well a little bit scary at the beginning but then it was fun I was so brave!!!!!" One sentence. Not sure he breathed between words. I dang near cried.

It's been a big deal at our house since PE was the only thing he didn't do at school. He went to a resource room and played a Wii (awesome, I know,) instead. Other than things that come up inside his classroom that his teacher modifies (I'm giving her a kidney if she needs one,) he does what the other kids do. PE was the big hurdle and he did it. He's gotten tons of praise, a few prizes, shout- outs on Facebook...it's been a big deal.

I just overheard my dad and Ty having the best little conversation. Dad said, "Ty I am so proud of you because you overcame a fear this week. You were scared and you faced your fear and then you got to do something great! Most people just give in to their fears and stay safe. You didn't do that and I'm so proud of you."

That alone is like the best conversation ever...but then Ty said,

"Ummm...yeah I was afraid but then I was brave so that's a good thing."

Yep.

The fair and the Fall

State fair 2012 was a huge success. Other than a few loud noise hiccups, (unavoidable at the fair,) Ty and the girls really had fun and we ate our weight in tornado twisters. Those are fancy fries in fair language. Yum.

When I was little we went to the fair every year and I don't recall if it was more fun then or now. One of the great blessings about motherhood is reliving everything through their eyes, isn't it? Everything old is new again, even Big Tex. He was a highlight until he started talking then Ty wanted nothing to do with him of course. Charlie kept calling Big Tex the cowboy. "Hey there big cowboy I'm Charlie and I'm a cowgirl. Hey there yee haw!" (Yelling)

Life may be lots of things at this point but dull isn't one of them.

Switching gears...

Amy is steadily improving but still has a long road ahead recovering. There is a caring bridge site for her that I'm gonna link here once I learn how to do that. Help with that is, of course, welcome and appreciated.

The calendar is full of fun things in the next few weeks and months. Fall is in full swing and I'm loving it. God is good to give us great hope for the future. We are making new memories and able to talk about old ones without getting too sad. I'd have struggled to believe it if you'd told me that life right now could be so JOYFUL. Christ is the reason. He is the giver of life, the Savior of this broken world. And His desire is to give all of us the peace that passes understanding, this peace that I have. If you're resisting Him take it from me-He is worth it!

The road to the fair is paved with antibiotics

The great sinus infection of 2012 is finally on its way out if my body thanks to a steroid shot and two days of antibiotics. Maybe I'll stop going to bed at 7 once I'm healed.

Or maybe I'll keep 7 as my bedtime this winter it's hard to tell.

Y'all, Amy is improving and we are all so grateful for your prayers. She's still pretty sick but she's gotten much better. Still in the hospital, still weak and nauseous. There's a treatment plan for once she goes home so I'm taking that as a big step-she gets to go home one day on the horizon. The latest diagnosis is that she has had West Nile and viral meningitis at the same time. Bless her.

Today is fair day for Ty and we are about to pack up and go. It's cold outside and most people who planned on going will just stay home and get cozy but not us. We are going, cozy or not. I'm thinking not.

I have a feeling that once we find that first funnel cake stand all frost bite will be forgotten. To this day that's all my girls remember about the rodeo-"Mommy remember that place that had the funnel cakes?" "You mean the place with the animals and the tractors?" "No mommy just the place with funnel cakes."

I don't know where they get it.

Mini me

Me at 2 1/2. Joy is stomping her feet right now saying, "No mommy dat not you dat is me!" She truly thinks its her. I was a little chubbier but I think it's clear she's my kid.

The agenda

Amen and amen

Sleep: it's what's for dinner (and breakfast)

Okay y'all either I'm having psychosomatic symptoms after seeing Amy or I've contracted my own debilitating illness. Or I have allergies for the first time in, oh, 33 years. Or am I 34? I forget.

Today during my free day (all kiddies at school,) I tried to sleep. Like from 5:45-9am all I thought about was climbing back into bed and sleeping until pick-up time. I couldn't sleep so I caught up on some news and paid the bills. Then I ate lunch with some friends and laughed about how we have turned into the ladies from Steel Magnolias. My life, it is a fairy tale.

My real reason for a post tonight is to tell you that Amy is slowly but surely improving. Her eyes still twitch but not as fast and she has been able to get up a little bit to move around. Truly an answer to the prayers of so many!! She has gotten some of her spunk back too, which is so encouraging. I can still hardly believe how sick she has been. Use OFF people. You don't want to feel the way she has felt!

Most Thursday nights I think through the weekend plans and more than ever I'm thankful we don't have any this weekend. Making pumpkin whoopie pies and painting pumpkins, yes. Sleep, sweet sleep, yes.

Okay bye.

Update on Amy

I kinda left y'all hanging didn't I? Here is an update on my sister-in-law Amy. As of today she has been in the hospital for 8 days. After tons and tons of tests-bloodwork, lumbar puncture, MRIs, CT scans--their best guess is West Nile.

I have never seen someone so sick without knowing why. Amy is spunky, a triathlete, a fighter. She can do everything and is always helping other people. Seeing her now you'd never know how healthy she is on a normal basis.

Today I had a free day since all of my kids are back in school. I'm sitting beside her. She's in the fetal position, asking for help, asking to feel better. Please pray for healing. Her eyes have twitched non-stop since last Monday. Severe pain in her head, nausea, fatigue. Her whole body is tired. Up until now they have tried to treat the symptoms as they come but they have not lessened or gone away at all.

Thanks y'all. Believing that today will be the day she turns a corner!

Welcome October

Bring it on October. We are so ready for you!