Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
I'm in a rut. I know why, and I know it's "okay" right now but I hate being in a rut. Going through the routine, the motions. Getting frustrated when something is spilled or broken. Getting impatient with life. It's as if I can see the light at the end of the tunnel to carefree-land but I'm stuck in quicksand at the entrance.
Grief is weird. It's predictable in its pattern, but then it's not the same for everybody. I want so badly to have a timeline that I can focus on. In two months, you'll feel____, in three you'll feel____ and the sadness will be overshadowed with hope in _____. But nobody knows. Nobody can tell me because nobody knows. Counselors, pastors, friends, family members, they're all helping. Prayers are helping. I'd be a mess without prayer. I can feel the support through your prayers. I'm so thankful.
So I'm in a rut. Y'all pray that I let God get me out of it, would you? Being in a rut does not make a happy mommy. Or a happy daughter to my parents who are carrying the immediate burdens of me and the kids.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
From the book Things Pondered by Beth Moore:
Love me gently, Lord
I'm hurting now.
I've lived to see Your sovereignty
You've taught my knees to bow
I've caught glimpses of Your glory
I've seen Your righteous ways
But right now I need You, Father,
Just to face another day.
You have promised not to always be
Exactly what I please
But You give me sweet assurance
You're exactly what I need.
I need a gentle Father
And the lullaby He sings,
"Let me tuck you safely
Underneath My healing wings."
Love me gently, Lord,
I'm hurting now.
You said, "Take your cross and follow Me."
I beg, please show me how
To celebrate my weakness
That in You I might be strong.
When desperation grips my soul
A moment seems too long.
Oh, God, what noble plans I had
To do this whole thing right
Now I fall before You wounded
And I've lost the will to fight.
There are soldiers all around me
They're depending on me, too.
I fear I've nothing left to give
So, again I ask, Can You?
I'll love you gently, He says,
I know you're hurting now.
You've oft revered my sovereignty
Your knees have dropped to bow
If you could only see things
From My throne's clear point of view
You'd see glimpses of My glory
Are fast at work in you.
I'll love you gently.
Let me soothe your hurting now
I've said, Pick up and follow--
I'll do more than show you how.
I'll turn this Throne of brilliance
Into a rocking chair
Crawl aboard, My precious child,
And I will rock you there.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Hi y'all. Until today I thought all was moving along just fine. I'd posted a few things this week and filled you in on some little things going on, posted a few pictures of the kids and even one of me with my friend KJ. Who knew the app I use to write posts from my phone wasn't working? WHO KNEW? Clearly not me. It wasn't until I today that I realized y'all hadn't heard from me since the weekend.
The sad part is that since I can't make the app work (BlogPress,) I can't get the posts that were written/that I thought were already up and running. They're trapped in my phone. One of you techies needs to help a sister out.
If you're my FB friend then you know that I took a break from it early in the week and I wrote a whole post about why, (remember, that is trapped in my phone,) but here's the summary: I was on my phone too much for the wrong reasons. At one point all three of my kids said, "Get off your phone!" in the same day. Y'all, that's pretty bad when you have even a 2 year-old telling you that. I know it's fine to keep in touch with everyone through FB and I honestly love getting to share what God is doing during this process that way--it's a quick, easy way to show you answered prayers, funny stories, and pictures. I was also using it as a mindless escape during times when I started to lose control. I can't exactly go to Mexico every time I get stressed, (at least not in this stage of life! Ha!) so I escaped to my phone. It's a perfectly normal/sane thing to do but I'm trying to listen to what my kids need and apparently they need, well, ME. I have no idea how often I'll be on there now, but my goal is to keep in touch that way and be aware of my time on it.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
And drove their cars
And used their basketball goal
And then we played with cousins and watched their basketball game
And ate together, and we all laughed. We have prayed and prayed and begged for something to laugh about-and we laughed.
And rode around with underage drivers. Don't worry there was a momma right there, who took this picture.
Oh and we didn't comb our hair. See.
It is hard and healing to be with Sean's family. Hard because there is no denying that he should be here too. We all constantly think about what he's missing, what he would be doing, or what he could be fixing for his parents. It's healing, too, because we all know that it's okay to cry. It's okay to talk about what he left us with-the mess of emotions. We are all so broken hearted.
But there is hope. We all have hope. Praise God that we are not facing any of this alone. We have each other to grieve with and God is with us, paving the way through this new life without Sean. Our hope is also tied to the promise of seeing Sean again on the other side of Glory.
On to new painting projects.
Like the smooth transition there?
This will be our new desk. Stay tuned.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Y'all, I could not make this stuff up.