stream of consciousness

since my night last night was not without horrible MSG dreams i'm a little groggy today. i thought it might be extra fun to let you into my unedited world.

i'm listening to my son sing a song combining the words from 'My God is so big,' and the Barney song. it's so much better than either song on its own. i'm so glad school starts monday. i can't entertain him much longer between the hours of 12 and 3. i could never be a home school mom. they work so hard without a break. i need breaks. i've always needed breaks. maybe i have ADD. yes i think i do. what were we thinking putting joy's napping room directly below ty's room. when she's trying to sleep he is running laps, banging his legs against his wall or trying to play a drum solo on his vent. i couldn't sleep through that either. reminds me of the many prayers i prayed when pregnant with charlie that she would be a sound sleeper. i never prayed that for joy since clearly i was praying for her health. interesting how God answered both sets of prayers.

two days ago i loaded the kids up in the car in the garage and tried to start the car. nothing happened. out of nowhere we were stranded. which shouldn't have sent me into big ugly tears but it did since prior to starting the car (or trying to,) i had to face my worst fear: a big hairy spider that i had to kill since sean was not at home. thankfully there was a huge costco-sized can of wasp killer with a spray radius of like 37 feet right beside my car and i emptied it on that one lone spider. it worked. i'm thinking that combining the spider fiasco with the car not starting sent me over the edge. however the task of loading the kids into the car in the heat then unloading them to put them in the house so i could figure out what to do just might be what actually sent me over the edge. either way i was a mess. add in a strong dose of pms and i was fit to be tied. mom came. the kids were entertained and we had a car that worked until mine could be fixed. car still under warranty. praise be.

staging lady came to the house and what i expected to be a nightmare was actually quite pleasant and helpful. since i lack the decorating gene she said i was an easy person to work with because i'm not attached to anything in my house besides the pictures of family so when she made comments like, "yeah this needs to go into storage," i just moved it into the closet. it didn't hurt my feelings at all and after the morning that i had that day it's a wonder i didn't take every single thing she said personally. i've moved stuff around and taken things down and put different stuff up and honestly it's like i need someone to just decorate for me when we move. if i had extra money i'd totally do that. it'd be like Christmas-just come down the stairs and find cool stuff that someone else put together for you. i'm so not a normal woman that i can't get passionate about decorating.

now ty is watching word world and i really like that show. it's clever and educational. maybe i could be a home school mom if i could use tv shows to help me. he has learned more in the last fifteen minutes watching this show than he has learned from me in two weeks. that's sad. well i'm not that pitiful. i teach him stuff but this show is teaching him a ton. he just looked at me and said, "hey mom they're herding cows! there goes the cow into the herd." i've never taught him about herding cattle and i grew up in the country. i'm a failure.

thankful that God's mercy is new every morning. thankful for five years of marriage and how every day it gets better and easier. thankful for my husband. thankful for my kids. working on being thankful for my dog who keeps having bouts of diarrhea during the night. wondering what is causing it. thinking he needs stronger anxiety meds. can hear the baby (when will we stop calling her that) crying. got to wake my brain up and get cracking. putting the house on the market next week. prayer. lots and lots of prayer.

amen.