My favorite devotional is Streams in the Desert by L. B. Cowman. If you don't have a devotional that challenges and refreshes you I recommend this one. Every year I learn something new from it even if I've marked the same story before. One of the entries that I go back to over and over again is based on Matthew 2:13. The last week has been full of the frustrating power of anxiety in my heart. I hate that Satan uses my weakness in the ways that he does but what do I expect? I mean, really, he's a punk. I should't be surprised when small things build up and turn into big things.
Anyway, here's the entry from March 17.
I'll stay where you've put me; I will, dear Lord,
though I wanted so badly to go;
I was eager to march with the "rank and file,"
Yes, I wanted to lead them, You know.
I planned to keep step to the music loud,
to cheer when the banner unfurled,
To stand in the midst of the fight straight and proud;
But I'll stay where You've put me.
I'll stay where You've put me; I'll work, dear Lord,
Though the field be narrow and small,
And the ground be neglected, and stones lie thick,
And there seems to be no life at all.
The field is Your own, only give me the seed,
I'll sow it with never a fear;
I'll till the dry soil while I wait for the rain,
And rejoice when the green blades appear;
I'll work where You've put me.
I'll stay where You've put me; I will, dear Lord;
I'll bear the day's burden and heat,
Always trusting You fully; when sunset has come
I'll lay stalks of grain at Your feet.
And then, when my earth work is ended and done,
In the light of eternity's glow;
Life's record all closed, I surely will find
It was better to stay than go;
I'll stay where You've put me.
Now, reading through this it's clear that I am not choosing to stay-my circumstances are what they are and I'm not able to change them. Good Lord I've tried, haven't I? Ha! Sean and I have moved things, stored things, given away things, changed things, painted things, you name it we've done it. And then re-done it. And then changed it again to someone's liking.
So...I can't control the moving process. What I can change is my state of discontent. Praying for change and telling God, "If only...then I'll..." Today I'm gonna say, "Okay Lord. It's okay. Whatever You're doing, it's okay."