It is a decision I make each holiday now-do I do what's easier for me and distract them so the day goes by quicker and painlessly...or do I tell them and allow the floodgates of questions and memories to come in? Before I could decide today Joy yelled from the back seat, "Hey Mom I heard a lady in the hotel say today was Father's Day! What are we going to do for daddy in heaven? Should we throw him a party or send a present?"
So this year we talked about Father's Day, how we all wish he was still here to be celebrated. How we all wish they didn't have to know about heaven the way they do-how they long for it-and how I wish they had a dad to love them through all of this. It got to me tonight, even though we had fun and no one knew the weight of what I was feeling as I watched them play.
How am I going to make this okay, Lord? How can I do this job without him? Do you see me, us, praying for guidance? Are You there? Are You listening? Do you see me so overwhelmed with longing for a shoulder to lean on right now? Do You even hear me?
I looked at Ty and realized I was missing some beautiful moments having my pity party so I took some pictures of him. I looked at his shirt. Yep, He is greater.
Than this. Even this. He is greater. Ok. Ok I get it Lord. You are my Father. You are theirs. I am forever indebted to You because You love me so well, so thoroughly, like a daddy does.
My heart simply overflows remembering that tonight.