Sunday, June 5, 2011

If You want me to

One day last week our realtor called to tell us someone was choosing between our house and another house one street over. To say we were on high alert would be an understatement. I was falling all over myself trying to accommodate their schedule, (they wanted to look during naps and I agreed to wake the girls up--which I am a stickler about NOT doing,) and by the end of the day they had spent a combined 4 hours in our home. Which meant we were in our car watching them go in and out of our house for approximately 3 hours. See, we've learned that going somewhere with Max and the kids in this heat isn't really fun.

I know, shocker.

So we sit happily in our air conditioning and stalk the people looking at the house during showings. Our secret is out. Sure, we do go places like the ice cream place here, where Max is a star attraction to other kids. We go to Sonic and get 'big kid' drinks, and we even go to McDonalds and leave Max in the (running) car. But it's really easy to just sit in the car. So we do.

Anyway, the last showing for this family was from 5-6 so we sat in the car and prayed together that in His good and perfect will God would sell our house for more than it's worth and make the deal happen quickly and Lord please also help us find a great house in my hometown and may the move be swift and His name, of course. Y'all, I know that's silly and those weren't the exact words but we've come to the point of total dependence on God to understand this whole house not selling thing. Since this is the first prospect that showed true interest in a while we thought, "Okay, Lord, we were kidding about the specifics but the IN YOUR WILL part we meant. Just give us patience if this isn't it." When we didn't hear from our realtor by 7:30 that night we kind of knew what that meant.

I sent her a text at 7:45 and heard back pretty quickly--They picked the other house and had submitted an offer ten minutes prior.

Well that just stinks, doesn't it? To feel so close yet still be so far from the goal we've had for almost a year: downsize, simplify, move closer to family, and rest. It doesn't seem wrong to want those things, and it's not. It's not wrong to question what God is doing because in questioning we have both grown in our relationship with each other and with God. Trusting Him to do something that we can't do...and believe me by now we would have cut a deal if someone would have offered us one. You can't exactly broadcast, "HEY BUY OUR HOUSE JUST MAKE US AN OFFER AND EVEN IF IT'S RIDICULOUS WE WILL TAKE IT!" and have your realtor happy with you. Ahem. So we wait.

We may wait ten more months, who knows.

It was sad that night, I'm not gonna lie. We felt the first surge of excitement in a long time. And it was gone by 7:46 pm that night. Back to the reality of having no idea what or when or if the move will happen. That night when I went to bed I told Sean I was okay and not heartbroken or anything but that I was discouraged again. He said he was too but that he would pray for both of us to feel peace the next morning.

When I woke up to my own personal alarm clock named Joy my first thought, no lie, was, "Man if we move this summer we're gonna miss all of the fun stuff to do around here! Splash parks and pools are open this weekend for the summer and the athletic center here has it's own mini water park that we went to at least twice a week last summer. Our friends are making plans and how said if we had to miss one second of it!" First thoughts, y'all. Can you say AMEN.

I can.

If You Want Me To
by Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

ya oh oh no

So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley If You want me to


Anonymous said...

I love that song! It was one of those songs that I was sure was written for me at one time in my life! You guys have a great perspective on the whole moving process Mary... as always, your candidness is such an encouragement!

Mary said...

Thank you for your encouragement Heather! You see the good and bad you know it's not always with a good attitude that I say, "What are You doing, Lord???" ha