Productivity

What can I say...

Makeup on little kids produces alternate personalities.

Kindergarten field trips produce blisters and the realization that I just might have survived the last few years with a sense of humor still intact.

Knitting produces a calm collected momma.

Yes I know winter is over.

Snuggling produces her feeling a little more secure. Is she still stuck to my leg when I drop her off at preschool?

Yes.

Truth produces trust and rest.

Know what else produces rest? A vacation. I'm so rested I don't know what to do with myself!

I'm sure I'll think of something.

Here and there

There

A vacation with friends=just what I needed. Laughing until you cry is good for mommas. The End.

See y'all next week!

What we do in our spare time

Sickies

Both of the girls have croup. It was a rough night and morning. Now we're home and look forward to the lingering affects of their steroid shots.

Lucky me!

Reading, writing, and no arithmetic

I love to read. I've been re-reading 1000 Gifts these last few weeks and it's beautiful. I seek out ways to turn glory to God when my heart is aware of His gifts. They're everywhere. I'm also reading about grace, because I think I'm finally on the edge of understanding it. I've never been given such grace as I have in the last few years. I'm seeing it for what it is-not a reward or a form of payment for my hard work, but a gift. And I hope with all I am that I've given it more lately. Nothing will make your heart happier than grace.

I told someone my story this week and found myself using the words "grace" and "provision" more than "pain" and "betrayal," so I know firsthand about restorative grace. It was with an empty request for help I stood before Him and in return I felt grace pour over me. I felt life come back into my body and love back into my heart. Only God can do that.

I've been writing too, in a secret place where I don't have to use spellcheck (!!) or think through who might be reading. Y'all talk about therapeutic. My goal is to make time to empty my head onto paper on days that I feel overwhelmed. It's not as often, no. It happens though.

Did I think a day would come that I could just walk happily along without thinking about the heavy stuff? No. No way. I have days like that too though! I do. Restorative grace. It's life-giving. It restores hope and you know how I feel about hope. I fear I may try to make a future pet or child Hope, which would be fine as long as I didn't name them both that. That reminds me...did you know I named Charlie after my favorite dog? True story. Do y'all worry about my sanity?

Don't answer that.

If you give a girl a baseball bat

She will love it for approximately 35 minutes. She will take it all in and eat the cheers up. Around minute 36, though, she may start feeling tired.

Then she may just give up and sit down in the middle of an inning.

Then spend that last 20 minutes playing games in the dugout.

Welcome to the big leagues baby girl. We gotta build up your endurance.

Flashback Friday

When Ty was 2 he went through the hunter-gatherer phase and emptied my makeup drawer daily.

Sometimes multiple times daily.

I don't miss those days.

Sure it was a great time filler and it kept him close by while I was feeding Charlie and getting dressed but he didn't like putting it all back into the drawer. Apparently unloading was the fun part. I'm still working on teaching him to put stuff away. Toys, clothes, it's a constant hassle. I guess I'm not great at teaching that part. If you've seen my car you know the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!

You know what he's into right now?

Legos.

God help me.

Y'all if I step on one more Lego I'm gonna lose it.

Happy Friday y'all.

So...He knows

He knows...

My fears
My desires
My aches
My past
My future
My heart.

He knows it all.

I don't need to tell you it's been a rough stretch. Y'all it's like every day we get more news related to a challenge ahead. Every day! Y'all somebody asked me if I thought God was trying to tell me something and I honestly replied, "Well obviously I'm not doing something right!" I quickly corrected myself. It's not about me is it? Nope not at all. He's not punishing me or my family, even though it feels like the flow of crazy is constant. Constant. Non-stop. Well it stopped two days ago. It's the calm in the storm I have no doubt. Bracing myself for the next thing. Uhhhhh wait a minute...is that fear I hear?

Oh boy.

More than ever I'm determined to squash fear. Squash it. That's a very technical term. The life I want is grounded in love. And in scripture it says that there is no fear in perfect love--in God's love and in His presence we don't have to fear. That's where I want to live. It's where I want my kids to live! Oh Lord more than anything I want them to conquer fear better than I do. Imagine what they could do if they didn't worry. Just think of what I could do if I didn't! Wow. I'm on a roll y'all.

I've been trying to memorize more scripture and surprise! It stays in my heart and is ready to help every time I hit a wall.

There have been kind of a lot of walls lately.

As Ty would say, "ten hundred million crazy tens of thousands" of walls.

The boy is gonna support me one day, you mark my words. This month is autism awareness month. If you're reading this blog then you know a child with autism. You've supported a momma of an autistic child because you've supported me and encouraged me these last few years. You've been touched by autism. I hope that it's not as scary to you after "meeting" Ty. If I have any hope related to sharing stories about Ty it's that another parent won't feel alone in the battle. I've got an army of friends with kids like Ty behind me, pushing me and lifting me up. My goal is to do that here, in this way as much as possible. It's true what they say--it takes a village. Boy howdy I have a huge one rooting us on. My cup overflows, even in the midst of the crazy around here lately. Ty is continuing to make progress, the girls are more and more independent, (minus a few good whines every day,) and I'm seeing answer after answer to my prayers.

He is faithful. He really is.

Famous last words

"I'm not tired."