A girl like me just needs to paint things and tear things down when I'm sad. (I paid someone strong/skilled to knock the cabinet down actually) but the painting? All me.
Painting a perfectly good brown table and chairs suits me just fine right now. It's my project, my "hmmm maybe that'd be cool" idea. Actually I saw it on a blog and copied it. I mean, I tell y'all the truth.
Our days are all over the map, and our feelings are even crazier. My counselor suggested returning to a routine for the kids sake and I honestly had to think through what the heck I used to do around here. It's no wonder my kids have tried pretty much every tactic to drive me bananas. So...my new goal is to get us into a new groove. A different because life is different groove where the kids know what to expect and they can start rebuilding trust again. See, here's one of my big struggles-they are afraid I'm going to leave and go live in Heaven too. They can't understand why if Daddy did why wouldn't I?
God help me and I'm not being funny. I've prayed, "Really God help me. How do I handle this? How can I mend this?" And His answer is this: just be here. Day in, day out, nothing spectacular-just be here. I'm gonna fight the temptation to run away and hide. If I have to fight it every single day then i will. I'm gonna show up when I say I'm gonna show up and let them see that I'm here, (probably) crazy painting and all.
Maybe I'll even turn them loose with their own paint, who knows.