Monday, January 23, 2012

Been up to no good











A girl like me just needs to paint things and tear things down when I'm sad. (I paid someone strong/skilled to knock the cabinet down actually) but the painting? All me.

Painting a perfectly good brown table and chairs suits me just fine right now. It's my project, my "hmmm maybe that'd be cool" idea. Actually I saw it on a blog and copied it. I mean, I tell y'all the truth.

Our days are all over the map, and our feelings are even crazier. My counselor suggested returning to a routine for the kids sake and I honestly had to think through what the heck I used to do around here. It's no wonder my kids have tried pretty much every tactic to drive me bananas. So...my new goal is to get us into a new groove. A different because life is different groove where the kids know what to expect and they can start rebuilding trust again. See, here's one of my big struggles-they are afraid I'm going to leave and go live in Heaven too. They can't understand why if Daddy did why wouldn't I?

God help me and I'm not being funny. I've prayed, "Really God help me. How do I handle this? How can I mend this?" And His answer is this: just be here. Day in, day out, nothing spectacular-just be here. I'm gonna fight the temptation to run away and hide. If I have to fight it every single day then i will. I'm gonna show up when I say I'm gonna show up and let them see that I'm here, (probably) crazy painting and all.

Maybe I'll even turn them loose with their own paint, who knows.

Oh boy.

6 comments:

Priscilla said...

You are one awesome Momma, and those kids are blessed to have you, Mary. Just keep bein YOU!
Hugs and love, Priscilla

Miss Mommy said...

Oh, Mary- the fact that you've been to the zoo is amazing to me. You are doing a phenomenal job for your kids. I can only imagine their trust issues. I will pray for that specifically.

Carley said...

I am proud of you....you are the best momma to those 3 treasures! I know it's hard for you and they don't understand that you aren't going to leave them too and they have to trust you! What a huge burden but they are blessed to have you there everyday loving them!

On another note! Are you painting that new dining table? or did you buy another new one? I LOVE IT! It's so fun! I can't wait to see the finished product. Yay for fun cheerful colors!

Heather said...

Mary, I'm continually blown away by your strength, and wisdom... you are such an amazing momma and the fact that you are in touch so intimately with their needs through this speaks to that fact. Praying for you always, and for trust specifically... May you ALL be so filled by God's presence that there is no room for fear. Love you friend!

We Three Smiths + 1 said...

I love the chairs and the cabinet being gone opens up that whole space!! It looks awesome! You are doing such a good job with your angels...I am forever in awe of your strength! Keep truckin' Momma! Call me...I'm all in for some paint therapy :) I want to make a new headboard...we can just turn the garages at our houses into workshops! ;P

Judi said...

God made you their Mom for a reason! He has given you EVERY answer for them, some days it's just hard to "retrieve" those files!!!! Praying for y'all all the time and you are all loved!!!