I feel like I'm fighting a battle too great for me to face. Truth says that I will never stand alone. I feel like there will never be rest again in my heart. Truth says He will give me true rest, every time I need it. I feel like the burden of teaching my kids about who God really is and can be to them is on my (currently) weary shoulders. Truth says He knows every hair on their heads and loves them more than I do. Truth says He is showing them who He is when I can't. I feel stranded in a place where I can't control my fears, where even driving without my kids in the car is hard. I feel like if I leave them, even for a moment, they will be stranded too-trapped in fear. Truth says I can believe and trust Him for protection. Truth says that living in fear is not living in God's presence. And truth says I can live in His presence all the time. Every step I take is with Him, and I'm never alone. Truth is strong enough to stand with and stand on.
When I have a good day, of course the head knowledge is easy to believe. I feel like I can do it, this life here without Sean. When it's a hard day, I can cling to what I know to be the Truth and beg Him for mercy. Even then, He is there. He was never on a break, never out of sight. I feel that desperation and that isn't wrong. In fact, it's how I find my way to His feet again. Help me, Lord. I feel abandoned. Your Truth says I'm never alone, that You are with me. That You are the arms around me, helping me.
And THAT is the Truth.