I'm not gonna lie. Easter morning I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
I was irritable. I was on edge. I hated that I felt 'off,' but I did. Our power went out a few times last night, (it was windy...not stormy, so we can't figure out why we lost power,) and the kids woke up each time because they could hear the rain. Oh yeah, it was raining so that's why the power went out. I forgot it stormed a little bit.
Never mind. Not the point.
The point is that in my ugliness this morning I almost missed an opportunity to let The Good News of Easter spring from my lips. Sure I was edgy and had bad cramps and wanted to sleep through church. Yes I got frustrated with the kids and their antics. And okay granted I was mad at myself for laying off the workout these last three days. I'm human and get all sidetracked by what goes wrong. We get frustrated and then mad at ourselves for letting little things become big things. Don't you do that? Man I hope you do. I hate being a loner.
But thank the good Lord the big picture-the biggest one of our whole being-came through in spite of me trying to ruin it. The picture of Easter: The sin of the world on His shoulders, the love of a Father in His heart, and the hope He gives is central to what I believe. That He conquered death and gave us life. That through accepting Him as the giver of all REAL, ABUNDANT LIFE, we can survive the pain and crud of this life. Shoot, if I could make it look pretty and 'together' without the desperation I felt today I'd miss the need that is there. I need redirection. I need grace. And I need the cross. Only through His sacrifice can I approach what I know to be the only way to survive: God Himself. To know Him and walk with Him on the ugliest days shows the world that He doesn't leave us when we disappoint Him. Clinging to Him and talking about how I failed as a mom 67 times before hitting the church parking lot at 8:30 am doesn't make Him hate me or turn from me. It shows other moms that we all screw it up sometimes. We get it wrong. As good as I am on my best day ain't gonna cut it in the long run. I can't save the world and I can't create perfect children. There I said it. I'm admitting defeat. Waving my white flag. I need my Savior. I need immediate help. The great news: He is here.
He is risen! He is alive and here and relevant and constant. He is working and moving and changing lives all around me. He is here.
And He's never gonna leave.