The last two nights Joy has been a crazy girl. Not crazy like cute and it's crazy how much we love her. Crazy like did somebody trade babies when I wasn't looking and give me her younger self before we had her on reflux medicine. I'll give at least part of the blame to a growth spurt but the rest, I just don't know what it is.
You ask, this is your third child, right? This should no longer be a mystery. Things should be running smoothly at this point. I mean, she's just a baby how bad can it be? For the record if any of you ever asked me that last one I'd happily pack her things and send her with you.
Only those of you I know in real life.
Mother of three has a few good days and feels like she's got it all together. I can do this, she thinks. I will survive and so will they. We will all look back on this time and laugh one day, and maybe we'll even laugh a little now. We can do it!
New baby has issues and mother of three gets to her breaking point after a few days of constant whining from not only the baby but the other two kids. Insert extremely helpful family members who selflessly help mother of three for hours on end. Without pay. Feeling the pull of the rest of the world, mother of three leaves her house to run an errand or two while her mother (also a mother of three!) takes care of the kids.
MOT (mother of three, I'm getting sick of typing it,) goes to Costco to return a shirt that she bought on the fly that doesn't fit. She's been needing to return it for about a month so she figures it will suffice as the outing she craves. MOT drives to Costco and puts the car in park to gather her thoughts so she doesn't fall apart once she tastes the freedom of the outdoors. She gathers the shirt in her arms and opens her car door. Then she opens her purse to get the receipt for the shirt. Oops. MOT switched purses last night and didn't put receipt in the new purse.
MOT loses it. Suddenly life revolves around the receipt (or lack therof,) and she cries. All hope is lost. I can't do it anymore she thinks. I'm at the end of my rope. Maybe my mother will just keep them all day and I'll sit here in the car in the Costco parking lot and cry. Yes that'll be nice.
Can't you just see it? Haven't you done the same thing? Or something scarily similar?
Geez I hope so.
If I wasn't a counselor I'd go ask one for help clarifying just what my problem today was. But I know what happened. I am tired and so are the kids. I'm frustrated with Joy's lack of a schedule and realizing it's my fault she isn't on a good one yet. I'm human and a sin-filled mess.
Since I'm fully qualified to talk myself through my little fit I did so and came home...to happy older children and a sleeping baby. Children thriving without me. Life going on without me. And I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm putting my big girl pants on and having a good afternoon. One filled with a few good friends and their kids keeping us company until my baby daddy comes home from work. He had a three day trip, one day home, then a four day trip that ends today. Our reunion will go something like this:
ME: welcome home honey!
HIM: thanks babe good to be home!
ME: I'm going out--maybe to Costco for a good cry I'll see you later!
ME: (already out the door) uh huh...i love you!
ME: in car (already running,) bye!
And he'll handle it. He'll take over and do what the kids need and he'll even play with them and get them all ready for bed and they'll just burst with excitement that he's home. I'll drive maybe around the block before I realize I miss the kids and for sure miss my husband and I'll come home a different person. Refreshed and thankful that this is my life. Weird how it all works, isn't it? Then tomorrow will be a new day.
Thank You, Lord, for new days. For giving me another chance at being a mom without yelling at me for how poorly I do it some days. I couldn't do this without You.