Had I known how very-bad-so-bad-I-was-embarrassed-I-was-their-momma it would have been I might have missed the moment. But I took the picture and faced the unknown with a hopeful heart. I shuttled them into the door and down the hall to Ty's classroom. We said hi to his friends and his teacher.Then it all fell apart. Ty tried to show me the things he has worked on and Charlie threw a fit like you wouldn't believe-over scissors. I wouldn't let her use big kid scissors during a classroom-packed open house. I'm the devil disguised as a mother on the edge I tell you. She let it all go. No regard for other people, no regard for anything. A good strong fit. Then Joy started crying out of sympathy for her sister. Then Ty cried because they were crying and he was sad I wasn't listening to him as he described his artwork.
I wanted to melt into the floor. I wanted to go home and crawl into bed and have a do-over of today. I was honestly so relieved when they all went to bed. I prayed,
"Lord help me. The really tangible kind of help. Immediate, life-changing help. Patience. Mercy. Grace. More of You and less of me. Please, Lord. I'm about to scream and I don't want to. I want to be patient and teach them in those hard moments. I don't want to blow it. Just please help me. I'm running at full pace but I'm getting trampled here."
Then I took a bath and looked through the pictures I took today. I found the picture. (same one)
And prayed again. Not for any of those other things. I just simply said,
Sometimes a moment teaches us to be more thankful. More aware. More ready for all that God is showing us. Sometimes I miss those moments. But not today.