I'm about done with soccer. It started last week and we go to practice every night, well not every single night but it feels like it. The girls are on the same team and Ty is on a team that practices at the same time but clear across town.
Yesterday on the way home from soccer practice (at 7:45 pm,) ok wait.
7:45 in the PM. Almost dark. Past bedtime. In the car with stinky kids. This just ain't right.
When your kids are normally in/on their way to bed at 7:30 it's just not right to be in the car with ALL THE STUFF hanging over your head that has to be done when you get home at 7:45. Baths, stories, Sheriff Callie episode that makes them all laugh til they cry, brushing teeth, etc. Throwing the night schedule off by hours. Soccer, you're not my favorite. You're messing with my happiness.
Last night in the car on the way home (7:45!!!!!!) Ty announced that he finally decided what he wants to be when he grows up. This is how it all went down:
"Mom can you turn the music down? I need to say something."
"Sure." (Braced myself)
"Well. I have decided I want to be a soccer coach AND a baseball coach AND also a PE teacher when I grow up. Man I'm gonna be great at all of those don't you think?"
Me: "Oh yeah Ty that's a great plan."
Charlie: "Ty you will be a super coach you're really good at soccer."
He's had two practices in his life.
Two practices. Zero games.
Joy: "Ty you're a really good baseball player so I think that you will have the best baseball team in the world."
Those who watched the last few baseball seasons know this is questionable.
Now let me say that I was pleasantly surprised at how kind the girls were in their responses. I mean, ok good for all of the positive stuff flying around in the car, right.
Charlie: "Mom I finally know what I'm gonna be now."
I knew this was coming. Nobody better put Baby I mean Charlie in the corner.
"Yep I'm going to be a school teacher when I get big."
Joy: "Good Charlie you'll be a good teacher!"
Charlie: "No Joy I said a SCHOOL TEACHER not a teacher. There's a big difference. I'm gonna be a SCHOOL TEACHER Joy you got it?"
Joy: "Got it."
Ty: "Yeah Joy you won't get to go where Charlie is teaching. You're too little. And you for sure can't come to where I'm the PE teacher my school isn't for LITTLE KIDS."
Now they've stirred the pot.
Awakened the giant or whatever.
I don't blame her for getting tired of hearing it. I was #3 too. I was "too little, too scared," too and we're sick of hearing it YOU OLDER SIBLINGS YOU.
At this point I usually shut it down since bad things can come out of Joy's little mouth. She gets scrappy when challenged.
This time, I was just too tired. Half asleep.
Remember what time it is. (7:45!!!!)
Joy: "Oh yeah well one day I'm not gonna invite you to my birthday party!"
Now she's done it. Below the belt, that one. She has two speeds: happy and scrappy. Not much in between.
Y'all thought I was gonna say she already cusses or something, right? Nope. Not yet. Just the threats that can cut deep into the very souls of the other 2. The dis-invite to the parties of the future.
Cut back to the scene
Charlie crying, Ty processing
I say ok stop it guys and I make all necessary threats to shut it down. I'm internally cussing soccer because, why , WHY do we need so many practices before the first game when we all know good and well they'll get out there at the first game and just stand there anyway.
The season doesn't really even get going until about game 3.
We turn into the driveway and I politely ask, "Joy, what do YOU want to be when you grow up?"
Y'all she is in a whole different league.
Charlie and Ty just sat there stunned. Why hadn't THEY thought of something that cool? It's like Joy can turn the tables faster than they can come up with a response to match hers. Before they could grasp of the absurdity of her comment they found themselves envious of her answer.
"Wow Joy. Good one."
I couldn't make this stuff up.