Wednesday, August 1, 2012

How the Orkin man stole my heart

I'm not a city girl. I like to pretend to be one sometimes and act like I know how to navigate one way streets and parking garages but the truth is I don't feel like I fit the city life. I mean, I go to bed too early for one. I'd be a waste of space if I lived somewhere full of fun nightlife. I've been thinking about moving to a place full of concrete though. Here's why. I don't do spiders.

There, I said it. If you're new here there's a short list of things I DON'T DO.

1. Flying (without Xanax + 2 dramamines)

2. Thunderstorms

3. Flying in thunderstorms

4. Spiders

That about covers it.

Moving back to my hometown is all kinds of good. It is comfortable here and I am so happy that my kids can grow up like I did. It's how Sean grew up too, did I tell y'all that? He grew up in Denton so he wasn't a city person either. He loved seeing the places he went for work and I liked (that's a strong word...tolerated is better,) going on a few trips with him to big cities. But this way of life suits me. It always did. Except for one thing.


My house growing up was near a lake so spiders were part of it. So were snakes. If you go to my parents house today you'll find a shotgun at every door. And we all know how to use them. I nannied for a family right after grad school and their favorite way to introduce me was to say, "This is our nanny Mary. She shoots snakes." By most people's reactions I didn't fit the bill then. (See, I was probably trying to look like a city girl.) That's not my point. My point=spiders are evil. I knew they were everywhere around my parents house and so I made a vow to live somewhere without them when I grew up. Ahem.

We moved here in December so all was clear on the spider-front until late Spring. And then they came and they came with a vengeance.

Y'all, I have my Orkin guy's cell phone number on my top 10. He probably weighs 95 pounds soaking wet but he's one of my heroes. He'd kill for me. In fact, he does. But they keep coming. It's as if spiders can sense my fear and hatred for them and they find me. In the last few weeks we killed in the high teens--in my house. It was a full on attack on their part.


My 95 pound hero came yesterday and took care of business. We went all out--no more kid friendly or pet friendly stuff anymore. He whispered that his boss tells him to use the environmentally friendly stuff these days but he doesn't think it works. He also whispered that he will pull out the good stuff if a customer requests it. Enter me. I asked for the poison and I got it. I have found about 400 dead crickets around the perimeter of my house and haven't seen anything moving that's not supposed to be moving in the house. Oh victory in Jesus.

In a perfect world there would be some useful information for you after a post like this but all I can say is that I love my Orkin man. He completes me.

The End.


Jenny Seymore said...

Oh Mary...please keep them down there at your house...I don't want them moving on over to mine either!! We haven't really had cricket issues but the spiders are definitely out in masses. At least I also know who to call the next time that is a snake-like visitor at my house!

Mary said...

Yep I'm your girl for snake issues.