Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Truth always wins

I feel like I'm fighting a battle too great for me to face. Truth says that I will never stand alone. I feel like there will never be rest again in my heart. Truth says He will give me true rest, every time I need it. I feel like the burden of teaching my kids about who God really is and can be to them is on my (currently) weary shoulders. Truth says He knows every hair on their heads and loves them more than I do. Truth says He is showing them who He is when I can't. I feel stranded in a place where I can't control my fears, where even driving without my kids in the car is hard. I feel like if I leave them, even for a moment, they will be stranded too-trapped in fear. Truth says I can believe and trust Him for protection. Truth says that living in fear is not living in God's presence. And truth says I can live in His presence all the time. Every step I take is with Him, and I'm never alone. Truth is strong enough to stand with and stand on.

When I have a good day, of course the head knowledge is easy to believe. I feel like I can do it, this life here without Sean. When it's a hard day, I can cling to what I know to be the Truth and beg Him for mercy. Even then, He is there. He was never on a break, never out of sight. I feel that desperation and that isn't wrong. In fact, it's how I find my way to His feet again. Help me, Lord. I feel abandoned. Your Truth says I'm never alone, that You are with me. That You are the arms around me, helping me.

And THAT is the Truth.


Sarah Sharp said...

I love this. I love your honesty, even when it is obvious you are hurting. So thankful for a God who loves us and doesn't leave us or give up!

Lisa said...

I am thinking of you always - I pray for you and your family everyday. Your faith is amazing and I am so glad that you know the Truth. I am so glad you know and love Him.

We Three Smiths + 1 said...

I love you, Mary. You're not alone and you are so blessed to have the parents God gave you and the sweet babies he entrusted you with. I read these words yesterday and thought of you:

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

I don't pretend that its easy, but please know that I am always here and you aren't are never alone my friend.

Michelle said...

Oh Mary, you and your babies are in my thoughts and prayers constantly. I can't imagine making it through the day, but I know you are strong and your faith unwavering.

Casey Pettett said...

I am grieving for you more than I can remember ever grieving for another person. I think of you so much. Sometimes I end up blank-faced and completely dazed. Other times I cry... and still others I feel desperate for you and sob. And yet I realize I'm not even feeling 1% of how much you are. Oh sweet Mary. I believe our God is with you, I really do. It boggles my mind that He can fathom your loss. He's the only One. None of us have even an inkling of understanding. You truly are NOT alone.

Allison said...

You are awesome. Praying for you.