Monkey

In the early weeks of Charlie's life, I called her "stinky" because she pooped about 20 times a day. I know that's "normal," but Ty didn't do that and it threw us all off a little bit because literally every time she was awake she was going potty. So that was her first nickname and Sean kept begging me to change it.

After a few months she stopped doing it and became "Bean." I don't know why but I do still think of her as that often. Little jelly bean maybe? She was kinda shaped like one for a long time?? Anyway, "Bean" will always apply but now I have a new nickname for her and this is why.

See the picture? How she's crawling on the back of her hands? She does this anytime she has a toy in her hand/hands that she doesn't want to give up. Which is a lot of the time because in her world if you give it up your brother will probably take it. Who said she wasn't smart just because she didn't feed herself or drink out of a cup or crawl or walk or do anything until she was well over a year old?

She figured out the important stuff like holding onto toys early on. So everywhere she goes, inside, outside, (even on concrete,) you just might find her crawling on the back of her hands.

So meet "Monkey." She is now walking everywhere, feeding herself, drinking more than her brother which is A LOT--all out of a cup--and she only crawls to get to something to pull up on...but inevitably she has at least one hand folded over like a monkey with something in it. She has scabs on her hand right now because she will cross any terrain like this and never fusses about it.

Last night she had stolen some of Ty's alphabet puzzle letters and took off up the stairs on the backs of her hands. I need to record it and post a video for you. Now if I could just figure out how to do that...

Hand Me Down Heaven

Last night I dreamed that when I went to the doctor today she told me we needed to deliver Joy ASAP in the office. Like I mentioned last week in the post about dreams, mine don't often add up. Last night's was the perfect example. The doctor I go to today is the endocrinologist, who has an opinion about my delivery date but nowhere near the decision-making power that my other doctors have so the likelihood this will happen is slim. Well that and she can't deliver a baby because her office isn't exactly equipped with whatever all that stuff is they need to deliver babies. 

Anyway, in my dream Sean was halfway between Florida and the Bahamas when I tried to call him and since he's...ahem...big on saving $$ on phone calls, he never turns his phone on when he lands somewhere that charges extra so it would be 4-5 hours before I could talk to him to tell him--"Surprise! It's a girl. Oh and she's here." 

I woke up full of anxiety. What if this actually happens????? Reminds me to tell him that I'll pay for the extra phone calls from now on but he needs to KEEP HIS PHONE ON AT ALL TIMES EVEN IF THE FAA IS IN THE COCKPIT AND NO I DON'T CARE IF THAT MEANS YOU GET FIRED. 

Now that that's settled, look at these cute hand-me-downs from my sister-in-law for baby Joy. I hope she'll be able to wear them for about 6 months at least...

Oh I can't wait to see her--after the sonogram I have it in my head that she looks like Ty, (hopefully a smaller, girl version,) so if she doesn't I'll be surprised and even more excited to figure out who she looks like. This little one has been such a blessing already that I am praying the sleeplessness and hormonal mayhem can be balanced by what all she has changed in me for the better. Obviously God did all the changing but to think that He chose her to be the catalyst well, it just makes me grateful to be her Momma. 

There Are No Words

What does one say about this hair?
See, there are no words.

The Week In Pictures...and Some Words

Another Northpark trip--this time it was to hand Charlie off to Mom for the night. Notice which child is into the surroundings and which one is just scouting out where the snacks are.
I have a feeling this will be my favorite picture of her for a while. This is the swimsuit that is a 4T. Told you it wasn't too big. This was the only picture I took at the party I told you about on Friday. You know during the 17 minute window of happiness.
Hunting "Eygs" with Pops, (Sean's dad,) which to Ty means running from egg to egg saying, "There it is!" He had no idea part of the fun was opening the eggs to see what was inside.
But once I opened a package of Skittles he settled right in for the long haul. Skittles can stain, I don't know if I'm the only one who didn't know that. The red and orange ones just might not come out of the Easter shirt your child has on. To be safe it's always good to strip the kid down. That's our philosophy.
This is the Wilborn side of cousins...all of them except Charlie who had enough fun and was in the middle of her 4 hour nap during the hunt. I'm not complaining--did you see the part about her sleeping for 4 hours? Not the norm for our kids. The cousins range in age from 10 months to 16 years old. I've mentioned this before but there are 11 now and Joy will make 12.

My parents came up on Sunday for Easter and I took about 45 pictures, and none of them turned out. No flash, flash, it didn't matter--good thing I have a ton of pictures of the kids with my family! Mom hunted eggs with Ty all over the house since it was raining/muddy outside. They brought food to us and I didn't cook a thing all weekend. The perk of pregnancy. Last year for Thanksgiving everybody came to my house and I didn't cook a thing.

Speaking of pregnancy, I went in yesterday for my first sonogram with the woman at my OB's office--the last time I saw her was during the 20 weeks sono when we found out about about the cysts and it was great to see her (Patsy is her name,) and report that things are looking great. She gave us free 3D sono pictures and I'm happy to say that it looks like Joy looks JUST LIKE TY. We'll see if that's the case when she comes out...

And speaking of that, without oversharing, my body is starting the process and I'm dilating more than I ever have ahead of time. Hmmmm...this could mean nothing. Could mean everything. My OB will be out of town from April 22-May 5th (the NERVE) so I told him yesterday I'd like to have her before that. He said no and I wasn't surprised. Ours is a patient/doctor relationship where I self-diagnose, create a treatment plan, and he shoots me down. It works for us.

How Deep the Father's Love for us

---

How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure

That he should give his only son, to make a wretch his treasure

How great the pain of searing loss, the Father turned his face away
As wounds which mar the chosen one, bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon a cross, my sin upon his shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held him there until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life; I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything: no gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ; his death and resurrection
Why should I gain from his reward? I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart: his wounds have paid my ransom
© 1995 Kingsway's Thankyou Music
CCLI #1596342Album: I Could Sing of Your Love Forever 2

I wonder if I'll ever fully grasp what He did for me but the closest I can come is to imagine giving up one of my kids for someone else's sake. Even one of my other kids. How great the pain of searing loss...I would never have it in me. This year more than ever I can wrap my mind around losing a child. I can imagine the depth of pain. I can feel the hurt that other people have experienced.

So today as we listened to what was taught I kept thinking, "You are my Father and You've given me a wonderful father here, AND You've given me a wonderful father for my children. How could I possibly deserve what You did for me?"

And I can't. I won't. I'll just mess it up more and more over time I figure. He loves us so much that He won't go away though. Just like we won't go away from our kids, but multiplied by about 10,000 because He is God and can love more than we could ever understand. He loved us--He loved you--enough to put His child up on a cross and let Him bear weight that He didn't deserve. That his own actions didn't merit. That His heart could barely stand.

Knowing that all of His children could live forever with Him as a result. What a beautiful picture of hope for us to cling to.

Them Drowning was The Least of My Worries

I'm not sure I even have energy left to describe what happened today. I'll try for entertainments' sake. There was a swim party for my twin nephews. The boys that I met when they were Ty's age and now they are the cool older cousins...the ones whose clothes have graced Ty's closet since birth.

Mom and Dad kept Charlie overnight to give me a break from all the heavy lifting (it worked-my back felt almost normal today and it's been far from it for weeks,) so today they brought her home and helped me a ton with the kids. Emmy came too so I sat on the couch for most of the day. Our original plan was for them to keep Ty during the party so I'd just have Charlie--the non-swimmer-but as the day went on I decided I was up for a challenge and took both kids. First mistake. I made many more between the hours of 4 and 7.

Before I go on I have to tell you that I bought Charlie a swimsuit a few days ago for the party (and the summer,) and it is a 4T. AND NOT ONE BIT TOO BIG.

Oh y'all. It was bad. Not the suit, the party. And not the party, my kids. It was right by my old house, which thanks to a new tollway is only about 15 minutes away. As I drove in I saw Sean's sister Stephanie and her family and I rolled down the window to say hi and they offered to help me in. My niece Allie got in the front seat and both kids started crying. They didn't stop until we were well inside the building. Charlie kept going all the way into the room where the food was and Ty stopped when he saw the pool. The one Momma wasn't going to get in since she was not up for the maternity suit that is three years old and in need of someone smaller wearing it.

I really don't think I can give a play by play--I am so tired. Over the next hour and a half there was about a 17 minute window of happiness. Then Ty got a weird rash all over his back and arms and I had to take him away from the fountains he'd been playing in. And that's when it all broke loose. At one point I looked at my sister-in-law Amy (mom of the boys,) and said, "I just hope somebody is getting a picture of this to show how GOOD things were before the new baby came." She laughed and waved bye. People who don't know us had to be wondering what kind of nut would do this one more time. Clearly the lady has no idea how to calm her kids down. Clearly she should have just stayed home. Clearly she is in no shape to be lifting one of them let alone both at the same time. It's easy to forget we're talking about me here.

The rash was quick--came on quick and went away by the time we got home. I gave him Benadryl but still have no idea what it was. Allergic to chlorine maybe? He was in pools all summer last year though and we never had this happen. Who knows.

I am all done. For today. Maybe with all swim parties for the next few years. Definitely done taking them places without their Daddy there to share in the humiliation.

Dreams

What do you think about when you read that word? Does anybody else think of the song by The Cranberries? Or "You've Got Mail?"

Do you have weird dreams that you can remember? For as long as I can remember I have and can remember most of them. It's not unusual for my first words of the day to Sean or whoever I'm around to be, "You're not gonna believe what I dreamed about..." Sean has learned to direct his attention to me at that point because whether he likes it or not I'm going to tell him. God love him.

I can't watch anything scary because inevitably I'll dream about it later and in my dream I'm never on the winning side, conquering evil. I'm being eaten up by it.

So last night I had a dream that Sean and I were part of the Yearning for Zion ranch community.

Back story? I thought so.

Yesterday I watched the Oprah episode from a few weeks ago (don't you love the DVR) where she interviewed members of the group. Hearing the women talk about sharing the same husband must have stuck with me because in my dream Sean had gone that route and I had "had enough," and was on the verge of leaving. Apparently I was still in love with him, as the girls insisted they were in the interview--not Sean--their shared husband, (I realize it's hard to keep up,) and so in the dream I was supposed to be getting used to his new wife. We were all in the same house and for some reason our real children were not part of the dream??? It was just us and the new girl. And she was super nice to me in front of Sean but mean as could be as soon as he left the room. I remember crying in the shower one night because I knew he was happy with her and wanted him to be truly happy but felt like I couldn't stand living there any longer. Why was I still living there you ask? Because this was a dream. Things don't have to add up.

Like that time I was flying on a magic carpet in the snow and when I landed it turned into skis. Or there was the time I was being chased by a pom pom and it could bite. A pom pom with sharp teeth. It was a blue and white one, which were not my school colors. One time I dreamed that I tried out for American Idol and I couldn't sing. Oh wait that was real life. Not that I tried out but I really can't sing so that dream didn't seem so foreign.

Anyway the YFZ dream. Never thought I'd find myself in those circumstances even if only in a dream.

When I woke up my first thought was, "What the heck?" My next one was, "Thank God by the end Sean had figured it out and left the place with me." I'm being honest, this was the order. Then it was, "Lord show us Your glory and bring the light of Your Truth to people who need You." I don't know how many times I've thought about it since.

Some dreams are so weird I know there is no value to them at all and then others make you think. I never studied dreams though I had people ask me weekly what their dreams meant when I was working. "I don't know," was never an answer I was afraid to give. I also replied with, "That is weird," which you'd think a counselor would never ever say!

Dreams. They can be weird, funny, way "out there"...giddy up. Let's hear it. What have YOU dreamed about?