Heaven

Thanks to my uncle, my kids and I are, as they say it, "At the coolest place on Earth!" Such a treat!

Flashback Friday

Baby Charlie. I hit the jackpot when she was born. So easy, so sweet. She slept four hours at a time from birth. I thought I was a skilled gifted mother when she was a baby. "I got this all figured out," I'd think.

Then Joy was born.

The End.

Hello love

Projects for friends where I can choose the color=my favorite. After a workout this morning, bible study, and having the kids in school all day I'm one happy girl. Getting to paint too...well you could say my life is complete.

Dance at midnight (9:30)

I thought they were asleep or close to it. Imagine my surprise when I heard them giggling from downstairs. I ran up to tell them to stop and to go to bed. It was 9:30. When I rounded the corner and saw them playing, though, I stopped and just watched. It was one of the cutest little play dates, her with her "treasures," (a collection of trinkets and jewelry,) and him with his "choir," (every Disney character we own.) They giggled and acted out scenes from different shows. I turned around a went back downstairs. Mom and I have been watching Downton Abbey this week so she can catch up to the current episodes...and boy howdy are we both loving it! Anyway, back downstairs to catch the latest news from Downton I went.

Then we looked up about ten minutes later and saw this.

They announced that this was their show they'd been practicing for us. Their dance. Y'all, it was the cutest thing ever. Poor Charlie slept though the whole thing--even the multiple wardrobe changes that clearly took place. Even though the lights were on in every room upstairs and Ty and Joy made enough noise to wake the neighborhood. She'll be sad she missed it in the morning.

And I'll be glad I didn't.

On paper

I didn't realize I'd been in a downswing until I started coming out of it. I mean, of course I realized the date, the first anniversary, the significance of it all. I allowed myself to celebrate that I survived a year of the heaviest burden and pain I've ever known. After the 19th my new year started. December 20th, happy new year. Since I've never been great at New Year resolutions I didn't make any or anything crazy like that. What I did do on the 20th, however was make a kind of a mental list of who I am and who I hope to be by next year.

Me, on paper


Mother
Widow
Daughter (a very grateful one)
Sister (again, very grateful one)
Counselor
Painter
Reader
Writer
Walker/training to be runner (no laughter please)
Wannabe cowgirl or at least horse girl
Country girl who loves living near a city

Wait. Listen to this. Crazy things happened as I made my list.

Satan whispered things about my worth that aren't true. This happens to all of us, doesn't it? He says our worth is based solely on beauty, on what we can offer or what we can do, not on who we are. He's a punk, not withholding schemes to turn us away from God just because we have had a bad season, suffering in some way. As I made my list in my head I caught myself discounting things about me, about my identity. I'd think about the blessings God has given me then Satan would say, "But you've got nothing left to offer here, you're ruined. You're dumped, forgotten." No, no I'm not, I'd say to myself. "Oh but you are, you have more baggage and shame and horror than anyone cares to help you with. You're on your own, deal with it."

Y'all he is wicked and smart, he's no fool. Attacking the weak, the sad, the broken. Offering reasons for everything, offering blame. Suggesting that God, too, has forgotten us.

He has not.

To Him, this is who I am On Paper

Beloved
Protected
Whole
Lovely
Chosen
Redeemed
Cherished
Forgiven
Alive
and

I'm His.

Bring it on sun

Dream a little dream

Y'all.

One night after another I've had the weirdest dreams. I'm attributing it to the sad fact that I'm changing meds again...the one I tried for a few weeks made me more and more nauseous. It started out like a minor carsick feeling, which I can function with. About four days ago, though, it was terrible. I couldn't sit up straight, everything blurred. Awful. So I stopped taking it, (Cymbalta,) and didn't take anything for three days. Yesterday I took the first dose of a new one, (Lexapro) so maybe my brain is just freaking out from the yo-yo of meds I don't know. Here are a few of the dreams.

-magic carpet rides

-talking pet monkey

-a phone call asking me to be on a TV show about decorating (lol)

-living in a tree house

-getting a pet dog who also drives the car like my chauffeur

-being held as a prisoner in a different country

-driving into a city then realizing I have no idea which building I'm supposed to go to. In the dream I decide to just play Xbox on my phone in a parking lot instead. (??)

-being on a plane going to New York and looking out the window to find Rockettes dancing on the clouds.

-Ty is about 15 and we sit at the kitchen table talking about his teachers, who happen to all have the same name: Drisella. Oh and he looks nothing like Ty in the dream.

-I get a letter asking me to be in charge of a horse therapy program for autistic kids and I reply that I don't know anything about horses. They show up at my door with a Great Dane with a saddle and say I should practice riding.

Are y'all worried about my sanity yet?

Happy Friday!