Friday, July 24, 2009

Just in case you thought I was super mom

Not that anyone ever thought that I was...except maybe me?

The last two nights Joy has been a crazy girl. Not crazy like cute and it's crazy how much we love her. Crazy like did somebody trade babies when I wasn't looking and give me her younger self before we had her on reflux medicine. I'll give at least part of the blame to a growth spurt but the rest, I just don't know what it is.

You ask, this is your third child, right? This should no longer be a mystery. Things should be running smoothly at this point. I mean, she's just a baby how bad can it be? For the record if any of you ever asked me that last one I'd happily pack her things and send her with you.

Not really.

Only those of you I know in real life.

Imagine this.

Mother of three has a few good days and feels like she's got it all together. I can do this, she thinks. I will survive and so will they. We will all look back on this time and laugh one day, and maybe we'll even laugh a little now. We can do it!

New baby has issues and mother of three gets to her breaking point after a few days of constant whining from not only the baby but the other two kids. Insert extremely helpful family members who selflessly help mother of three for hours on end. Without pay. Feeling the pull of the rest of the world, mother of three leaves her house to run an errand or two while her mother (also a mother of three!) takes care of the kids.

MOT (mother of three, I'm getting sick of typing it,) goes to Costco to return a shirt that she bought on the fly that doesn't fit. She's been needing to return it for about a month so she figures it will suffice as the outing she craves. MOT drives to Costco and puts the car in park to gather her thoughts so she doesn't fall apart once she tastes the freedom of the outdoors. She gathers the shirt in her arms and opens her car door. Then she opens her purse to get the receipt for the shirt. Oops. MOT switched purses last night and didn't put receipt in the new purse.

MOT loses it. Suddenly life revolves around the receipt (or lack therof,) and she cries. All hope is lost. I can't do it anymore she thinks. I'm at the end of my rope. Maybe my mother will just keep them all day and I'll sit here in the car in the Costco parking lot and cry. Yes that'll be nice.

Can't you just see it? Haven't you done the same thing? Or something scarily similar?

Geez I hope so.

If I wasn't a counselor I'd go ask one for help clarifying just what my problem today was. But I know what happened. I am tired and so are the kids. I'm frustrated with Joy's lack of a schedule and realizing it's my fault she isn't on a good one yet. I'm human and a sin-filled mess.

I'm normal.

Since I'm fully qualified to talk myself through my little fit I did so and came happy older children and a sleeping baby. Children thriving without me. Life going on without me. And I couldn't be happier about it.

I'm putting my big girl pants on and having a good afternoon. One filled with a few good friends and their kids keeping us company until my baby daddy comes home from work. He had a three day trip, one day home, then a four day trip that ends today. Our reunion will go something like this:

ME: welcome home honey!
HIM: thanks babe good to be home!
ME: I'm going out--maybe to Costco for a good cry I'll see you later!
HIM: what?
ME: (already out the door) uh huh...i love you!
HIM: what?
ME: in car (already running,) bye!

And he'll handle it. He'll take over and do what the kids need and he'll even play with them and get them all ready for bed and they'll just burst with excitement that he's home. I'll drive maybe around the block before I realize I miss the kids and for sure miss my husband and I'll come home a different person. Refreshed and thankful that this is my life. Weird how it all works, isn't it? Then tomorrow will be a new day.

Thank You, Lord, for new days. For giving me another chance at being a mom without yelling at me for how poorly I do it some days. I couldn't do this without You.


Michelle said...

I love this story and have been in your shoes. Not sure why I didn't document it. Probably too torn up to write. Sometime in May, I was heading down to Waxahachie to for a DAR luncheon my mom was having. I got all the way downtown and realized I didn't have any supplies. I called my mom BREAKING DOWN, turned around, and continued hysterically crying the entire ride back home. I then pulled in the driveway, turned on a sad song, and continued to cry. I felt much better after that! That was just one example of many.

As far as not having it figured out, you know I am in the same boat. We have been scheduling for 4 months now, and daytimes are still a mess. I must say she luckily has nights down, which makes days easier to handle.

Woo hoo for new days and new outlooks! Enjoy your weekend with your hubby.

We are heading your way tomorrow for a birthday party...

Anonymous said...

I just went back and read my posts to try and remember what it was like when Tatum was Joy's age. What I realized is that I remember very little of it, and as easy as Tatum tried to make things, it was all still a big blur... survival mode type stuff.

The light is coming, Mary. Tatum is now 6 months, and it seems like we've been in a good rhythm for a while. Soon the mystery will begin to unravel and life with a newborn will be replaced by life with a baby...the cute kind that you fall more in love with every day.

In the meantime, by ALL means, let the tears flow. Do what you've got to do to re-callibrate, pull yourself up by those bootstraps and take another step forward.

Oh...and I had another wild-hair idea. Sometime when Sean is home, or when your sitter arsenal is at the ready, you and I should have lunch, dinner, etc. without the kiddos (gasp!). It would be fun to "get away" and share war stories.

I'm praying for you friend, that each new day brings you a renewed strength and sense of purpose.

ps. I still think you're super-mom

Emily said...

Mary--despite this well written post (we have all been there!!) I still think you are a SUPER MOM!We need to try to get together sometime in the Hatch. I'd love to meet your kiddos and see you in action:)

Carley said...

I agree with everyone else and think you are supermom! I've been at your house when it's been crazy and you do a fabulous job at keeping it together. I'm glad you had a breakdown because that's what we need sometime to be able to start over and have fresh perspective. You are awesome! Hang in there friend. love you!

We Three Smiths + 1 said...

I think you're super mom, too! I wonder about how I am handling one kiddo, and you efficiently keep three going strong! We all have those've read about mine! Hang in there...sending love and prayers your way!