Saturday, December 29, 2012

On a day like this

There are days filled with memories and longing and there are days with joy and hope. The best are the combination of all of these. Memories help teach the kids about who Sean was. Longing keeps me in the mindset that I need Jesus. Joy helps me when I don't feel great or feel overwhelmed and hope is crucial for my outlook.

I look for ways to celebrate, (I always have,) and soon we will celebrate the ending of one year and the beginning of another. I hope for a happy new year, like all of you. I can hardly wait to see what God does this next year! I've dreamt lately of new beginnings, new people coming through my path. Dreams like this are happy. Some of them involve ministry in the sense that I will devote working hours to helping people. I feel more ready to return to counseling, though not in the same way I did before. Sometimes in the dream I am getting dressed up to go somewhere new, and I can feel butterflies in my stomach...

You know where this is going. I have dreams about going on a date. In my dream I feel unsure, insecure, and like I'm 12 again. I always wake up and think, "What am I gonna do if this ever happens?!" I confided in a friend a few days ago and I asked her what she thought. She laughed and said that she remembers me telling her about one of my dreams soon after Sean died. In the dream he told me he wants me to get married again and have a full, happy life. She pointed out that I've already had the conversation with him about it and now it's just between me and God. And that it's okay to think about. So I'm thinking about it. I'm praying about it and hopeful that the Lord has plans for me to know love again. I'm putting this out there now while there is nothing to reveal, and I will be careful and thoughtful about going into detail here when it does. I'm believing fully that my life is complete as it is but I'm hopeful that there is more in store in the future. Now in my normal honest way I'll go ahead and tell you that it will be a clear God thing for me to even find time to date! Well and who in their right mind would take this circus on? (I say that with a smile...I'm a circus all on my own as you've learned.)

Enough about that...on to new projects:

Painting some, trying to copy others...the Italian painting is from Pinterest. I don't have a talent like that that I'm hiding from you. The "Let her sleep" sign is from a blog and I plan to copy it for the girl's room. Give me paint and I'm a happy girl.


We Three Smiths + 1 said...

I love how open your book is...a man would be crazy not to want to take on your cute self and everything that comes with you!

Carley said...

Of course it's ok to think about!! You deserve the best and the best will love you, the kids and everything that comes with that! You will find him...nah, he will find you!