Hi y'all. Words have been just out of reach until now. As much as writing helps me, it's been very hard to think of a way to put how I feel into words. Mainly because even as a counselor I'm feeling combinations of emotions I've never heard of. Some days I want to just post a picture of the kids jumping on the trampoline. So that's what I'll do. Other days you'll get an earful. (or technically, an eyeful)
I have a point. I'm saying hi. And I'm saying thank you.
God is still here. He is working everything I've felt and experienced for His glory. I don't know what that means. He doesn't tell me audibly what happens next. But He shows me love through people. He shows me joy through my kids. I know that people are praying for the specifics in my life right now, day by day. I don't ignore your texts or emails telling me that you are praying. I read them. I cry and cry in thankfulness. I feel stronger because I know you're really praying. He hasn't rescued me from this heartache but He hasn't left me without hope either. It's a path that I didn't see coming and one I would have never chosen. But it's what He has for me. And because I have three little kids who need me, I don't have the choice to take this path or a different one. I've got my hope, my only hope, wrapped firmly around who He is. And I'm surviving. The kids are too.
Ah the kids. They are doing well. Everybody started school today (Ty in PPCD, same program as the past few years,) and the girls are in MDO. Aside from the occasional, (regular,) tense moment getting them ready for school in the morning, today went really well. Ty loved his new school and his teacher seems just perfect for him. We all miss his old teacher terribly, especially now. More than once I've thought about kidnapping her and bringing her here to teach him. I'm not sure how that would fit into God's plan but I'm thinking it's not a totally closed door. Or maybe it is since she laughed- even snorted-at the thought when I mentioned it to her before we left. She's a city girl, she said. Her family would never speak to her again if she uprooted them and brought them to the sticks. Oh well. Maybe one day.
This brings me to my other point: I am so glad we are here, in the town that holds so many memories for me. What a sweet history to share with my kids. True joy radiates from so many here, and everyone has gone out of their way to try to help. It's a community like no other. I love being here and looking toward the future here. The future-It's not gonna look at all like what I thought it would. It has been a rough, almost unbearable start. But like I said, God is with me and He's gonna be here every step of the way.
I love you all. Please keep praying for my family. We aren't to the, "Oh no, no prayers needed...we are good!" phase yet. It's not easy at all but we have God's peace to look forward to. That's enough for now to sustain us.
And now it's past my bedtime. Good night y'all.