We went to Santa Barbara a few weeks ago and before we left my mom made a comment that she would send some form of birth control with us since this was our first getaway together in a long time. She said she didn't want us to get carried away on our trip and forget that raising our kids is a tough full-time job. She made comments during the trip that made us laugh (little did we know I was already with child,) and we totally understood her point of view! We have laughed at our inability to parent them both so many times--They are alive by the grace of God. I felt fine on the trip and was really tired but we walked quite a bit more than I do on a normal basis so I never thought anything about it. We got home on a Wednesday and that Sunday was Ty's birthday. I felt totally normal but realized it had been a while since I had needed...what are the proper words...feminine products. I knew we had taken preventative measures and that I could not be pregnant but thought a call to my Dr. office was in order so I called on Monday. My nurse, whom I would happily give a kidney, laughed and told me it might be a fluke or an adjustment issue. I had stopped taking the pill months ago and maybe my body just wasn't fully adjusted...ha ha. That ha ha was her. She told me to take a test to make sure. I didn't. As scatter-brained as I am, I still knew we were careful.
A few days after Ty's birthday I felt wierd. So I took the test that I had bought the day Justine (nurse) told me to buy but knew I wouldn't need. Then I saw that it was positive. Then I put it in my pocket because I just couldn't bring myself to tell Sean just yet. The perfect moment presented itself about two hours later, while both of our kids were having massive meltdowns. I started laughing and couldn't stop, which only made the kids more upset because I couldn't tend to them. I laughed until I cried. Sean looked at me like I had lost my mind and said, "You're pregnant aren't you?" I had not told him I was buying a test, etc. It was just a dead giveaway that I found our kids' fits hilarious. I mean what is God thinking?! We are clearly defeated at two!
I was most nervous about telling my family because they are who help me raise my kids when Sean is on trips. I waited about a week and a half to tell them, and at least five times during that time mom mentioned how glad she was that our kids would have each other and how much easier it would be on me, them, Sean, and the whole family now that we were done having kids. I thought she was calling my bluff or something but pregnancy is not something she jokes about! Time after time she would say something she thought was encouraging and I'd get off the phone and think, "Well now I KNOW I can't tell her."
I finally did. She said, "Do what?" Then she said, "Well, we'll figure it out. It happened to me too." The "IT" in her life was me. I've known for a long time that I was an accident and in some twisted way God made me believe I may have been an accident to my parents but that I was here for a reason. Thankfully it was always a joke and my family didn't use it as ammo against me, well a little bit of torture from my siblings, but I never questioned that they loved me.
Today during our study we talked about the truths that we can teach our children while they are little. We talked specifically about the truth that all of us here are on purpose, part of the world to bring God glory. The point of the lecture was to help moms apply this truth while parenting, to help our kids understand that no matter their circumstances, they are here because God wanted them to be here. They have meaning and relevance.
We are still in a little bit of shock about this pregnancy but we are thankful for what God is teaching us. I go to the Dr. next week and will find out more details but for now, we are grateful for Ty and Charlie and hopeful for this baby.